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Oky. So maybe I'm going crazy. Well, maybe I would be more correct to say… crazier. Today I must of been damn lonely. I ended up talking with myself on more than one occasion. I even argued with myself about which BBQ sauce is better. Needless to say I won! I watched some very touching Farscape episodes today, that had me thinking. I know fate doesn't exist, at least not in the normal sense of things. With fate we lose free will. I can't completely buy the absolute free will either thou. It would seem that some things are just ment to happen. Perhaps it's something like the Celestine Prophecy way of explaining things… a combination of will and change that bring things together for us. Leaving us something resembling a willing of statistical unification… or something simular. Anyways, back to the lonely stuff. I started to ask myself if… perhaps I wanted to be loney… or… away from people. I know that most people agitate me to no end. I do have a high tolerence, but I'm happiest when no one is around; or, I'm most comfortable when no one is around. The thing is, I feel like I lack social contact. I desire to talk about crazy stuff like statistical unification by will. Talking with myself is… well I used to talk to myself alot actually. Then I got friends. Now it seems I've either distanced myself from my friends… or they have… I'll try to be fair here, found more interesting or important things to do. I think thats perfectly fair, and I'm not saying this has happend with all my friends. Some of them have moved far away, or… gotten married (not just you Ralph 
). It seems everyone around me is kinda moving on… well atleast the ones I look upto and respect. I guess it comes down to me wondering if there is a girl out there… who's the one. I thought I had one about a year ago… but thats obviously not here anymore. I've had a few “swings” between I guess. It's become frustrating to even try and date anyone now thou. It's always so complicated… and when they end I'm always told I'm great and blah blah blah blah blah… it's not you it's me… blah blah blah… I don't want to sound insensitive, but when you get the same story that many times… you start to wonder if it is you. I know I'm not perfect, but is anyone? I don't think I have any anonying attributes or personality traits. If you can put up with someone who is crazy then everything should be fine. I'm as thoughtful and kind as I can be, and I'm always looking to be more so. I'm honest and very open about almost anything… and almost anything turns to anything very easy with me. People laught at my jokes and silly behaviour all the time, so I assume I'm funny. I've been told I'm smart, thou I doubt myself far to often. The only thing I can possibly think of that would be bad about me is that to someone who isn't dating be, but knows me… it would appear I have no time to date. Simply not true thou, perhaps when I was younger, and didn't understand how relationships work… but now it seems far easier for me to schedual time for people when they need it (assuming it's not a last minute thing… and even then I'll normally try within reason). For my last 4 gf's I always made time to be with them, go out, eat, party, do anything they wanted. Pfff, I just don't know where to really look these days. Most of the girls I know are married or engaged now. The other ones are taken, gay, or so not ready to be in any kind of relationship. Anyways, I haven't given up all hope of course. There are still many girls around that I can try to get to know… and perhaps it will move on from there. My only fear now is to have my heart broken again… for the same mysterious reasons. Well, as my dad put it when I graduated… I have a unique way of doing things and getting them done. I guess it's just a matter of time before my persistance finds its goal. Anyways, enough of this… semi-rant… semi-selfwallow stuff. See you all on the flip side 
